Mappin' the Land Part I: From Sea to Shining Sea

Last night, _____, _____ and I applied ourselves to the task of producing hand-drawn maps. The results were at once entertaining, appalling and intriguing. You shall soon see why.

Subject #1 hails from the Northeast portion of the U.S.A.; this is her map of the United States.

 

Her knowledge of the Northeast, as you can see, is pretty solid. She also appears to have a pretty firm grasp of the size of each state and their spatial relations with one another. There is a gap in her map, but the Midwest, after all, is flyover country.

Subject #2 is similarly a Nor'easterner. Apparently, however, "Nor'easterner" doesn't mean much of anything. I assume, therefore, that you will understand what I mean based on context.

 

The issues that this subject has concerning the shapes of states are clearly not a result of provincialism, since the erroneously shaped states are not limited to non-East Coast regions. However, her difficulty with the positioning of a number of western states is likely a result of looking at too few maps.

Subject #3 is a native of the beautiful state of Minnesota. He enjoys lutefisk, tobogganing, farming and brats. This is his map.

 

One interesting notion this reveals is that the Northeast is complicated! Natives of the region usually don't think about the disparity between the tiny squiggly lines that pervade the East Coast and the blocky squareness of everything west of the Mississippi. But we East Coasters really do have it easy. All we have to do is figure out the huge quadrilaterals on the left side of the map. So let's get a move on, folks. We should really get rid of those gaping holes.

Coming up next: East Asia!

It's Good To Be Elitist

After reading _____'s post, I was not only appalled by the extension of racist caricature to fecal inspection, but I also found my interest piqued in the gritty, superversive realm of Facebook advertisements. Just now, for instance, I saw this one.

At first, I was drawn to this ad because it was, seemingly, the only one on the side of my Facebook profile that enticed me. I am, after all, not interested in crispy taco coupons, since I am a vegetarian, and I do not care to take advantage of 2% off at a clothing store. (Seriously? Two percent? I guess it depends on how you frame it, as I learned recently in psych.) But, anyway, if you read the CourseSmart ad closely, it turns out that it in fact does not appeal to my elitist pseudointellectualism. The ultimate conclusion that these marketers are drawing is not that you can get good prices on class materials, but that access to these materials is so convenient that you won't have to spend as much time using them. That is, by "study[ing] smarter, faster and cheaper," you can "do what you love": not study. And that is definitely not a philosophy that I attend to, however much I complain about papers and tests and reading. I am thus too elitist for this ad.


P.S. If you are an elitist, you might know what the title of this post refers to.

Sneek Peak

I wish you a good evening. Thank you for visiting my blog. Please sit back with a cup of hot tea and listen to my story.

I was born under the stars of Sirius Minor, the constellation of wisdom, which has until now borne me good faith. However, in the early, tempting dew of dawn I began to reconsider the felicity of my background. You see, I have been tormented by the seas of time since I was but a babe. Today I remain in the thralls of fate. There is but one treatment for my ills: it behooves me to engage in the repast of existence.

The above is an excerpt from my partially-completed novel. I say "partially-completed" because I wrote the above excerpt just now. At least it's a start, though.

Almost Finished

It is hard to finish an essay. It's hard to start an essay, for that matter. I find it overwhelming to fathom that there are infinite possibilities of what I could conceivably say, and I mean that in the exaggerated sense rather than as a comment on the recursive properties of syntax. But, yes, finishing essays is hard, too. That's when it is time to own up to the fact that you (OK, I) really don't understand what the previous material imparted by keyboard-tapping was all about. At the time, it just seemed like keyboard-tapping.

I wonder if there are people who can read typing, just like some people can read lips. There could be whole units of spy agencies dedicated to figuring out what enemy typers are up to--all they would have to do would be to listen for the characteristic click noises that particular letters or words make.

Speaking of typing, I can type pretty quickly. I am a regular Mavis Beacon. Okay, seriously, Broderbund Software! What kind of name is Mavis Beacon? Do you think I should give that name to my firstborn? Of course you don't. It sounds ridiculous.

On that note, if your name is Mavis Beacon, I sincerely apologize.

The Kiloblog Spectacular

"From a Concerned Friend," a blog that details concerns from friends and related entities, has reached a critical point in its existence. It's now sort of similar to an Anabaptist, like William Penn,

 
or a born-again Christian, like Alton Brown.

You see, yesterday, sometime between the hours of 9:00 AM and 9:00PM, this blog received its one thousandth page view!

HOW THAT HAPPEN!!!

For the occasion, I shall take a celebratory journey to the orchestra house tonight. Teehee--that sounds fancy. But, in all seriousness, it is. It is very fancy.

Crowded Theaters

There are some human qualities that make no evolutionary sense. _____, my blogular frenemy, enumerates one of these. But then there's also the question of fire. Why the hell is fire so pretty? Why are some people pyromaniacs? (Pyromania, by the way, has its own DSM designation. Psychology, get it together!)

This is a catastrophe, not a vision of splendor.

I think the human attraction to fire is one great piece of creationist evidence. Since fire is pretty dangerous, we should be innately afraid of it, just as we're afraid of snakes and the dark and Acromantulas. But when we're talking about Biblical survival tactics, affinity for fire is way up there. After all, Moses survived by choosing the embers instead of the shiny crown.* Thus, fire has helped us survive in terms of our 5,000-year history.**

And that is how my blog became a bastion of the ultra-right wing Christian agenda.







*No wonder God had to help him out with that task--Jews could never resist gold. And this is my vaguely anti-Semitic comment #4!!!
**Don't click that link. It was a joke!