I Got 99 Problems...

...but a bitch ain't one.

I use a tuner to get my instrument in tune. I got 99 problems but perfect pitch ain't one.

I don't discriminate against those from other socio-economic classes. I got 99 problems but "you're rich" ain't one.

I don't let people dump dead people in a hole near my house. I got 99 problems but a ditch ain't one.

I am a Republican. I got 99 problems but Newt Gingrich ain't one.

I am a hipster. I got 99 problems but Abercrombie and Fitch ain't one.

I am a Muggle. I got 99 problems but a Snitch ain't one.

I am formerly from Chicago. I got 99 problems but Rod Blagojevich ain't one.

Thanks to ____, _____, _____, _______, and ______ for your help with this compilation!