This morning, as I was waking up from anxious dreams, I discovered that in my bed I had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. I lay on my armour-hard back and saw, as I lifted my head up a little, my brown, arched abdomen divided up into rigid bow-like sections. From this height the blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in place. My numerous legs, pitifully thin in comparison to the rest of my circumference, flickered helplessly before my eyes.
In other words, I found myself inhabiting the body of one Andrew P. I won't comment on that any more because you know how horrible it is. At first, I thought about using my new identity to persuade Androop's friends that he was untrustworthy and a bad blogger. However, I quickly realized that it's impossible for an adult human being to metamorphose, whatever F-Kafx says, and furthermore that I have taken 3 weeks of introductory psychology. These facts led me to the only scientifically valid and rigorous conclusion, which is that I must be suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
So prepare, friends for whom I'm so concerned, for a little hiatus! I've called the hospital like any good citizen and they're about to haul me off for psychiatric treatment. Once I think I'm Deborah again, I'll be back! Hopefully they don't experiment on me too much while I'm in there. They better not graph my static palate without consent! Although they probably are not elite enough to know what that means. What if linguists were also psychiatrists? Then I would definitely want to be one!
It's also interesting to think about what we would call them in this case. Is it better to call them linguiatrists or psychinguists? What if they were also flautists? Flutes are cool - among other things, people blow air through them, which often cools them by evaporating liquids inside - but they are certainly not flauts. Nor is a violin a chair, a fact I was forced to remind Troykaj of today at dinnertime.
So much for blogging. Now it's time to get hospitalized!
I am concerned for you.
ReplyDelete