This blog is going to the dogs. I am going to hand-deliver it to them--well, in a hand-to-paw sense. I will coat my blog in vegetarian bacon flavor so that they will take no pains nor delay in devouring it, part and parcel. ("Part and parcel"--is that even right?)
I will do so because I think I've lost my creativity. I lost it in the library of ______ College/University when, looking to scan something, I discovered that the scanner was broken. I was subsequently forced out into the cold to seek out another scanner, at which point my creativity, which forgot to bring a coat, fluttered away to the fifth floor of the library, presumably near where they keep the VCRs.
Tomorrow morning, after psych class, I will return to the library of ____ College/University with a coat for my creativity, and, hopefully, coax it out of hiding. Then my blog will be great again. However, if I fail in that task, I am feeding this blog to a pack of wolves. Like this pack. They're pretty cool.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Toast
Someone from Russia came to my blog because he or she was searching "you need is burned toast." It's factoids like those that make Blogspot Stats so entertaining.
That is all.
It is time for homework.
That is all.
It is time for homework.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Breaks
It is nice to have a break because it makes possible a number of desirable, though temporary, lifestyle changes--sleeping in until 9 am, for instance, and listening to Appalachian Spring while playing Wordipelago.
Some professors, may God rest their souls when they reach an appropriate age, don't really understand the concept of a break, however. Somehow they view the expanse of an entire extra day as the ideal time for large projects or sizable quantities of reading or, perhaps, listening for five hours to a 16-minute segment of three-year-olds talking about dogs in cupcakes.
Why is Aaron Copland so great? I have several hypotheses. One is that he is from the BK, so he is a homeslice of mine. Also, his music is good. Real good. If you have never heard his music--a circumstance that should apply to roughly two of my readers--you should go to the 'Tubes now and look up something he composed. While we are on the subject of Copland and Youtube'z, this is a necessary video to watch. I was lucky enough to see the world premiere, which featured not only violas, but a garbage can lid, as well, which substituted for the requisite gong. Sam Bergman, the violist who arranged the piece, is the guy who you can occasionally see between the third and fourth violists who are playing in the front row.
If you would like to hear my very offensive viola joke, you can come ask me in person.
Some professors, may God rest their souls when they reach an appropriate age, don't really understand the concept of a break, however. Somehow they view the expanse of an entire extra day as the ideal time for large projects or sizable quantities of reading or, perhaps, listening for five hours to a 16-minute segment of three-year-olds talking about dogs in cupcakes.
Why is Aaron Copland so great? I have several hypotheses. One is that he is from the BK, so he is a homeslice of mine. Also, his music is good. Real good. If you have never heard his music--a circumstance that should apply to roughly two of my readers--you should go to the 'Tubes now and look up something he composed. While we are on the subject of Copland and Youtube'z, this is a necessary video to watch. I was lucky enough to see the world premiere, which featured not only violas, but a garbage can lid, as well, which substituted for the requisite gong. Sam Bergman, the violist who arranged the piece, is the guy who you can occasionally see between the third and fourth violists who are playing in the front row.
If you would like to hear my very offensive viola joke, you can come ask me in person.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Fog and Fug
Either there is quite a bit of fog crowding ____ College/University today, or my glasses are smudged. If there is fog, I hope it is not because of dementors. That is not to say that I hope dementors don't exist, because the existence of the world of Harry Potter is predicated on their incorporeal corporeality. However, I don't imagine that it would be pleasant to have dementors swarming around, as they are likely a stressor for a number of mental disorders.
Speaking of fog and dementors, there is a considerable amount of controversy within the Harry Potter community as to whether the word "fug" very early in the Half-Blood Prince is or is not a typo. In my correct opinion, it is not; it is just a Briticism, like "Obamer announced today," or "You can kip under that." J.K. Rowling does no wrong. Except for the wand thing in Goblet of Fire...and the epilogue of the series...and killing Hedwig (she's so innocent and feathery!). J.K. Rowling can most certainly spell, though; I believe she has a classics degree, which equates to an obsession with orthography and goats. I wonder if Aberforth has a classics degree, too? Please speculate in the comments!
Speaking of fog and dementors, there is a considerable amount of controversy within the Harry Potter community as to whether the word "fug" very early in the Half-Blood Prince is or is not a typo. In my correct opinion, it is not; it is just a Briticism, like "Obamer announced today," or "You can kip under that." J.K. Rowling does no wrong. Except for the wand thing in Goblet of Fire...and the epilogue of the series...and killing Hedwig (she's so innocent and feathery!). J.K. Rowling can most certainly spell, though; I believe she has a classics degree, which equates to an obsession with orthography and goats. I wonder if Aberforth has a classics degree, too? Please speculate in the comments!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I'm Going Corporate
If you dislike everything excluding this blog, read no further, as I will be discussing activities that you can engage in that are not reading my blog. Some of them are even things that you can buy and that are not my blog. If you do dislike everything that is not my blog, however, I would not be opposed to you buying my blog. If you have at least $30 to offer me, let me know!
One entertaining activity and/or purchasable commodity is Wordipelago, which you can find via The Google. It is almost too addictive for words--ipelago. Essentially it is infinite Scrabble, which, for some people--concerned friends, for example--equates to no longer socializing.
Another deeply entertaining interweb pastime of mine is Sporcle. You know what Sporcle is. Right?
Oh my god, I just discovered this awesome website where they have pictures of cats with funny misspelled captions--IN 2005. All frivolity aside, lolcats are still relevant to our cultural discourse.
One entertaining activity and/or purchasable commodity is Wordipelago, which you can find via The Google. It is almost too addictive for words--ipelago. Essentially it is infinite Scrabble, which, for some people--concerned friends, for example--equates to no longer socializing.
I am going to get that @#$%^&*@#$ing triple word tile if it's the last thing I do. And it actually might be.
Another deeply entertaining interweb pastime of mine is Sporcle. You know what Sporcle is. Right?
Oh my god, I just discovered this awesome website where they have pictures of cats with funny misspelled captions--IN 2005. All frivolity aside, lolcats are still relevant to our cultural discourse.
While in the realm of lolcats, I must note one more essential website for the lolcat connoisseur. By the way, Americans really don't like adopting foreign phonemes! My goodness. Anyway, the Lolcat Bible does not make light of the Judeo-Christian tradition; it merely adds to the cultural discourse at hand.
"Cultural discourse," like "am" and "of," is a useful term to bring up at cocktail parties along with uproarious party tricks. Or you could skip the party and drink some pomegranate blueberry juice! Juice is good.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My Metamorphosis
This morning, as I was waking up from anxious dreams, I discovered that in my bed I had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. I lay on my armour-hard back and saw, as I lifted my head up a little, my brown, arched abdomen divided up into rigid bow-like sections. From this height the blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in place. My numerous legs, pitifully thin in comparison to the rest of my circumference, flickered helplessly before my eyes.
In other words, I found myself inhabiting the body of one Andrew P. I won't comment on that any more because you know how horrible it is. At first, I thought about using my new identity to persuade Androop's friends that he was untrustworthy and a bad blogger. However, I quickly realized that it's impossible for an adult human being to metamorphose, whatever F-Kafx says, and furthermore that I have taken 3 weeks of introductory psychology. These facts led me to the only scientifically valid and rigorous conclusion, which is that I must be suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
So prepare, friends for whom I'm so concerned, for a little hiatus! I've called the hospital like any good citizen and they're about to haul me off for psychiatric treatment. Once I think I'm Deborah again, I'll be back! Hopefully they don't experiment on me too much while I'm in there. They better not graph my static palate without consent! Although they probably are not elite enough to know what that means. What if linguists were also psychiatrists? Then I would definitely want to be one!
It's also interesting to think about what we would call them in this case. Is it better to call them linguiatrists or psychinguists? What if they were also flautists? Flutes are cool - among other things, people blow air through them, which often cools them by evaporating liquids inside - but they are certainly not flauts. Nor is a violin a chair, a fact I was forced to remind Troykaj of today at dinnertime.
So much for blogging. Now it's time to get hospitalized!
In other words, I found myself inhabiting the body of one Andrew P. I won't comment on that any more because you know how horrible it is. At first, I thought about using my new identity to persuade Androop's friends that he was untrustworthy and a bad blogger. However, I quickly realized that it's impossible for an adult human being to metamorphose, whatever F-Kafx says, and furthermore that I have taken 3 weeks of introductory psychology. These facts led me to the only scientifically valid and rigorous conclusion, which is that I must be suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
So prepare, friends for whom I'm so concerned, for a little hiatus! I've called the hospital like any good citizen and they're about to haul me off for psychiatric treatment. Once I think I'm Deborah again, I'll be back! Hopefully they don't experiment on me too much while I'm in there. They better not graph my static palate without consent! Although they probably are not elite enough to know what that means. What if linguists were also psychiatrists? Then I would definitely want to be one!
It's also interesting to think about what we would call them in this case. Is it better to call them linguiatrists or psychinguists? What if they were also flautists? Flutes are cool - among other things, people blow air through them, which often cools them by evaporating liquids inside - but they are certainly not flauts. Nor is a violin a chair, a fact I was forced to remind Troykaj of today at dinnertime.
So much for blogging. Now it's time to get hospitalized!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
22 Minutes
You give me 22 minutes, I'll give you the world. Just kidding--it will by no means take 22 minutes to read this, and I have very little to say. Also, AM radio is a fail.
Have you ever gotten a finger jammed in a door? I'll bet you have. Have you ever managed, on the other hand, to jam a finger in a doorKNOB? That is a feat difficult to repeat, yet it is one I have accomplished-eat. (And, in case you were wondering, it was a finger belonging to me.)
Sometimes I am creeped out by other Americans. If you've ever read an article on Yahoo! News, you probably share my sentiment. It's not the content of the actual news pieces that is scary--though I guess I wouldn't say they epitomize journalistic genius--but it is the comments at the bottom of the articles that are really frightening. For example, I just read this article, which was tame enough; but I made the mistake of scrolling a little too far down the page. For your own enjoyment and/or disquiet, here is a sampling of what I witnessed:
"I HOPE ALL GAY PEOPLE MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO. IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE THERE IS A GREAT UPHEAVEL. 3-4 YEARS.
IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THE UPPER SECTION OF CALIFORNIA COULD BE LIFTED OFF THE CONTINENT AND SENT SAILING OFF INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN. BYE YU'ALL."
"1) Gays are an abnomation because they cann't produce offspring.
a) Plenty of stright coules cann't reprodruce, I guess that means their an abonamtion.
2) Gays are an abnomation because they perform elistit sax acts. Poop shooter.
b) Better get a gov type to watch stright couples they do the same things"
"Our Receptionist once told us her 1st grade son told her that the biggest word in the English language was " If". And so it is. What if the Little Flower's story that God the Father placed her in Hell for 2 minutes. And from her vantage point she said " Souls fall too Hell like leaves from the trees in Autumn." A voice overhead stated " More souls go too Hell for sins against sex than for any other reason. What if those sins are Homosexuality & Abortion ? What if? I actually believe that Abortion Clinics are America's Death Camps ( murdering 50 million babies, born & unborn to date ) & I panic over my gay brothers fate who has Aids. What if ?"
And Francis, who has a problem with voiceless dental fricatives, says it all: "i can see dat americans are getting stupid."
Have you ever gotten a finger jammed in a door? I'll bet you have. Have you ever managed, on the other hand, to jam a finger in a doorKNOB? That is a feat difficult to repeat, yet it is one I have accomplished-eat. (And, in case you were wondering, it was a finger belonging to me.)
Sometimes I am creeped out by other Americans. If you've ever read an article on Yahoo! News, you probably share my sentiment. It's not the content of the actual news pieces that is scary--though I guess I wouldn't say they epitomize journalistic genius--but it is the comments at the bottom of the articles that are really frightening. For example, I just read this article, which was tame enough; but I made the mistake of scrolling a little too far down the page. For your own enjoyment and/or disquiet, here is a sampling of what I witnessed:
"I HOPE ALL GAY PEOPLE MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO. IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE THERE IS A GREAT UPHEAVEL. 3-4 YEARS.
IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THE UPPER SECTION OF CALIFORNIA COULD BE LIFTED OFF THE CONTINENT AND SENT SAILING OFF INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN. BYE YU'ALL."
"1) Gays are an abnomation because they cann't produce offspring.
a) Plenty of stright coules cann't reprodruce, I guess that means their an abonamtion.
2) Gays are an abnomation because they perform elistit sax acts. Poop shooter.
b) Better get a gov type to watch stright couples they do the same things"
"Our Receptionist once told us her 1st grade son told her that the biggest word in the English language was " If". And so it is. What if the Little Flower's story that God the Father placed her in Hell for 2 minutes. And from her vantage point she said " Souls fall too Hell like leaves from the trees in Autumn." A voice overhead stated " More souls go too Hell for sins against sex than for any other reason. What if those sins are Homosexuality & Abortion ? What if? I actually believe that Abortion Clinics are America's Death Camps ( murdering 50 million babies, born & unborn to date ) & I panic over my gay brothers fate who has Aids. What if ?"
And Francis, who has a problem with voiceless dental fricatives, says it all: "i can see dat americans are getting stupid."
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