Football (the kind with hands and linebackers)

Americans find football interesting. I think this is connected to their deep and abiding disrespect for Leviticus. I also wonder whether the popularity of this national "pastime" (Must a pastime be interactive? Discuss.) has caused, or, perhaps, has resulted in shoulder envy. You see, football players look like they have abnormally large shoulders and clavicles. This is an optical illusion; but as Americans begin to associate the virility, strength and stamina of football players with their physical appearance, they may also begin to believe that those positive characteristics have a basis in shoulder girth.

 

This is Joseph Addai, apparently, who plays for the Indianapolis Colts. Note what appear to be his immensely muscular shoulders. At least, some might identify them as such--a five-year-old, for instance, or the sort of American citizen who is responsible for the third suggested result on this list:

But, small children and large rocks that rest at the bottom of the Mainstream (I am not a fascist, I swear! I don't even believe in social Darwinism!), Joseph Addai actually has normal, human-sized shoulders.

I think it is important to clarify this issue in case Americans start selecting mates based on shoulder size. This would not be an apocalyptic eventuality, but it would be unfortunate, as it would make future generations of Americans increasingly top-heavy.

As you can likely tell, I don't really know anything about football. However, since when has ignorance stopped anyone from coming to conclusions?